Two Gallants - Las Cruces Jail (Live on German TV)

I find it incredible that these guys combine such precise fingerpicking with such insane, garage-band drumming... all in a blues/rock/old negro spiritual wrapper. See them live if you can; I saw them open for Against Me! and let me tell you, it's not easy to outshine Against Me!, but these guys did it. I bought a shirt and told the singer I was going home converted.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xjrVFqKt6_I

Bot Fly Maggot In Lady's Head

This is pretty much the most horrible thing I've ever seen. I fully support any effort to eradicate this species of fly, I don't give the faintest fuck if their poop cures cancer, AIDS, and obesity. Off my planet. OFF.

WARNING: Gross as all hell. More disturbing than your uncle's whiskey breath on the back of your neck. Don't watch it.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E64lKr9E408

Idlewild - A Ghost In the Arcade

Video's pretty standard "live performance with funky lighting and quick cuts" fare, so you can have this playing in the background while you do other stuff. Which you should, because this is a damn good song by a damn good band.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRGNAM2FqlM

Watership Down - Ave Satani

Remember watching Watership Down when you were a kid? Holy Christ. There you were, six years old, your Mom sitting you down in front of the TV to watch a nice little cartoon film about rabbits. Instead, it starts out with a nervous, psychic bunny having visions of fields of blood, ghostly rabbits suffocating in their burrows, monstrous construction equipment tearing at the terrain like an autopsy except the corpse is still ALIVE, and as you felt the warm piss spread through your shorts you realized it was only going to get worse, oh Christ, it wouldn't stop, there was so much FIGHTING and BLOOD and DEATH SO MUCH DEATH OH GOD MOMMY I WANT TO WATCH DONALD DUCK MOMMY I DON'T WANT TO DIE LIKE THE BUNNIES IUBILBVUILFEIFIEYBGFVIEB:Iuefuig;urhgo;ushg

So anyway. Now someone's taken the satanic litany from The Omen and set it to all the bloodiest parts of Watership Down. Scoff if you must, unbelievers, but this should come as no surprise to anyone who remembers sitting in front of their television, smelling of urine and tears, screaming against our first introduction into a world of savage survival. And dead bunnies.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1OMi67BU-ZE

Punch Out: The Movie

This is so good it actually makes me feel good. Von Kaiser switching sides was a stroke of genius.



I kind of hope they actually do a longer version.

SNL Digital Shorts - Business Meeting

This particular excellent skit plays like Monty Python on cocaine. Which, come to think of it, pretty much describes the first five seasons of Saturday Night Live. Good to know they're still capable of returning to form occasionally.

The Residents - Hello Skinny

From what I understand, these guys got played all the time on MTV back in its early days because they were one of the few acts that had numerous music videos, and several of them just happened to be pure fuckin' art. Ah, the days when MTV had an air of exotic mystery, and wasn't all faux-reality shows about teenage cunts. Hey, they respond to ratings like any other network. That must be how you want it.

Warning: no sex, violence, or swearing, but completely creepy.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=krmowThBYUk

Elizabeth pwns Nancy Grace

Thank God this bile-soaked asshole has smart, funny people working for her.

Sharks

I'm a pretty big proponent of science, but I have a hard time imagining how one could ever get to the point where one is so scientific, one is able to watch a Great White Shark in action and not immediately scream "FUCK, A MONSTER."



And yet... still getting trashed by Shamu.

Unkle - Eye For An Eye

One of my favorite music videos of all time. Plays like a lost segment from the never-released PG-13 "Fantasia 2005".



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqZtWzPNEJw

Mutemath - Reset (Live from the Exit/Ln)

Skip to 2:30 for the drummer vs. sampler duel. Skip to 4:10 for the fucking homemade digital guitar.

But I would advise you to watch the whole thing.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K6FUDOV9Glo

Thunder Melon 2: Melonacolypse

I'm back.

These are some seriously dangerous melons. And the Crystal Method parody is perfect. GUH GUH GUH GUH GUH GUH GUH GET IT ON!!!!



I eagerly await Thunder Melon 3: The Rindening.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZwB8Gf38S8

The PCP News

What the news looks like to someone on PCP. Really kicks in around the Unsafe Animal Report.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3NnlM-WRIcI

Today I Concede To Alanis

When I was in high school, I was in a punk rock band called All Most Wanted. We had a song called "I Killed Alanis Morrissette". And, despite rhyming "story" with "Bowie", it wasn't even a fifth as funny as this:



I was only the drummer, but on behalf of us all, I humbly concede to you, Alanis. You are the effing win.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZw-8RSyvh8

William Shakespeare's "Trapped In the Closet"

It's reading today. Har. Clicky.

The Darth Knight. Or something.

I've got a new job and it keeps me busy and I haven't been keeping up with this. Sorry.

This is reasonably well done, here.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=leEsz9ci5XE

The Perfect Woman

Elizabetta Canales is hot. She's famous (in Italy). And what's more, when confronted with what she thinks is a naked psychopath, she overcomes her initial panic and, at the sight of her neighbor in danger, is able to remember her 2-Step Unwelcome Naked Intruder training:

1. Grab the nearest object.
2. Kill him with it.

I wonder if that actor got hazard pay for those nasty PVC welts.


Super Model Naked Stalker Prank - Click Here for more great videos and pictures!

Ted Leo + The Pharmacists - Counting Down the Hours

A great song. A great band.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wj7_Zti0UGc

Sad Kermit - Hurt

From the album "Rainbow Disconnection".



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLQRv0RjBBM

OMG BONUS POST: TV Funhouse - Maraka

And, to make up for a couple of those days I missed (not that I'm gonna make a big thing out of it), here's the awesome Dora the Explorer parody that ran on SNL last weekend.

"Come on, harder! What's wrong with you!"



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sb7eLgaddI4

White people are awesome

Someone had to say it.

Seriously, today I bring you 3 minutes and 3 seconds of unmitigated joy in an otherwise dark and shitty world. If you are too cold and filled with bitter irony to at least crack a smile at this, then enjoy controlling the flow of waste evacuation from the colon, because you are an asshole.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPmYbP0F4Zw

Monty Python - The Mouse Problem

(it's a metaphor)



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ihuv5z6nqWw

MC Chris prefers RE4 to KH2, is authentically squeaky

All right, so I missed yesterday's post. Let's not make a big thing out of it.

His rant is fairly funny, but mostly, I'm just giddy at finding out he really sounds like this. It's not digital manipulation, that is his actual god damn voice. Hee! It's like finding out Smurfs are real, and they really do make gold when boiled.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZsDUSxK5Fs

Arcade Fiery Goodness

All right, so I missed yesterday's post. Let's not make a big thing out of it.

God DAMN, these Canadians are amazing.

Wake Up (with David Bowie) (Heather Graham is enjoying the shit out of it, too)



Rebellion (Lies)



And finally, an incredibly well-made fan video for their new song "My Body Is a Cage" set to scenes from "Once Upon a Time in the West", a Sergio Leone western.

Carlos Menstealia

All right, so I missed yesterday's post. Let's not make a big thing out of it.

Is Carlos Mencia fucking crazy?! When he was stealing from lesser-known comedians like Ari Shaffer and Paul Mooney it was understandable. Wrong and a shitty thing to do, but you understand: it's a shortcut to funny material that most people haven't seen. But now he's stealing from BILL COSBY?! And not JUST Bill Cosby, but probably one of the most-watched stand-up recordings ever made, "Bill Cosby Himself". I know people who could give a rat's ass about comedy who watch that at least once a year. What in the fuck, Carlos. Hey, I've got an idea for your next stolen bit: it's a song about being an asshole and being proud of it. No one will be the wiser.


Click Here for more great videos and pictures!

And then, of course, there's Comedy Policeman Joe Rogan, who calls him out onstage in front of God and everybody. Good stuff, if you didn't see it when it blew up a few weeks ago. I've never been a huge fan of Rogan's stand-up, but the man's got balls.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jsq1uTLBHBc

Psycho wants the rogue helicopter pilot brought to justice

Whenever I come across one of these smug hippies who think organic food and herbal supplements are the answers to all of the human body's various maladies, I always like to point them to things like this. Oh yeah, there's nothing wrong with this blistering madman that can't be fixed with St. John's fucking Wort.

But of course they're smug hippies and their illogical leaps are impenetrable, so they usually blame it on flouride or pesticides or deodorant or some such damn thing. Hippies are the most open-minded people in the world, as long as you're not expecting them to listen to logic or reason.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zA1hyqA6UTY

Cheops is on vacation

The Panopticon will resume on Monday.

Louis CK and his kids

If you never got to see Lucky Louie on HBO, get the DVD of the first and only season, because it was based on shit like this. Got good ratings, too. I'm guessing some Christian fundie asshole with connections somewhere didn't like it, and that was that. Remind me to post the scene where God is compared, metaphorically mind you, not maliciously, to a giant cunt.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4evqM8eookM

Old 97's - Over the Cliff

From perhaps my favorite band of all time (or at least tied for first with Bad Religion), a not-really-live performance of one of their greats.

It's hard to tell if life is a burden or a gift.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1CkAwGOAoA

Pimp Wars Trailer

Occasionally I feel like my own grandmother, in that I will sometimes go to great lengths to embarrass myself.

This December, it will be ten years since we shot this masterpiece. My friend Casey managed to get a bunch of slacker high schoolers motivated enough to shoot an actual movie together. It was 1997, so the idea of a bunch of white people as pimps, thugs, and hoes struck us as hilarious. Why else would a fresh-faced young me deliver a line such as "WE KNOW YOU AIN'T A PIMP, MUTHAFUCKA! WHO AHHH YOU?!" with such a delightful blaccent?

Why, indeed.

(Casey is now actually a very talented director, who stands to be more embarrassed than the rest of us by this. Sorry, Casey. Shouldn't've put it online, fucker.)



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuwUDxSTrF4

Christopher Walken does Sage Francis

Simple concept: put Christopher Walken's dancing in the "Weapon of Choice" video over the audio from Sage Francis' "Dance Monkey". What's surprising is how well it works. Looking forward to seeing Sage at SXSW, and he's got a new album coming out in early May.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MxBAkDI2aiM

Married To the Sea

Not all webcomics are terrible. Click for more.


marriedtothesea.com

The Afghan Whigs, "Going To Town" Live on Letterman

This is probably from sometime in 1996, when Black Love was released. The Whigs were, and still are, one of my two or three all-time favorite bands. The Twilight Singers, Greg Dulli's new band, are worth checking out, too, especially since they added Mark Lanegan of the Screaming Trees.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rveiOYZvpzw

Jim Norton on David Letterman, 11/01/06

This here is my favorite comedian. Go see him live whenever you can, as good as he is here, he's even better when he doesn't have to adhere to TV-PG standards. In fact, it's well worth your time and money to go ahead and purchase this:
Li'l Jimmy's HBO Special to ell oh ell to.
(Don't mind the silly comments, they're mostly Opie & Anthony inside jokes.)



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YC0F2HCrONY

Puzzle Quest: World's Most Infuriating Game

Don't just kill time. Strangle it tortorously to death.

Jeff Williams - Tapestry of a Dream

The first time I saw guitar tapping, I thought it was pretty much the coolest thing I'd ever seen. I still kind of do.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qE-uvIDQmJA

Gilbert Gottfried's "Aristocrats"

I've never been the biggest fan of Gilbert Gottfried, but his performance in "The Aristocrats", both in this segment and in the Hugh Hefner Roast segment, was a huge surprise to me, since he made me laugh harder than anyone else in the movie. Watch this bit, then find the movie and watch that. You get to see him make Rob Schneider laugh so hard he drops to the ground and convulses like a landed flounder, onstage, in front of about a thousand people.

NOTE: Do not view if you are offended by the following sentence: "The rain in Spain falls mainly in your fucking cunt."



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tw10xa_xtNg

Tori Amos - Butterfly, live on the Tonight Show

Welcome. This was the first song I ever saw Tori play, and I fell in love immediately. It's called "Butterfly", and she performed it on the Tonight Show in Spring 1995. I was lucky enough to record it, and so was this person. Enjoy.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFuqJEe0Uqs